If Wishes were Stars
by Ice Crystal Angel
Summary: What would you do if you could freeze time and live forever in one moment? Eriol Hiiragizawa contemplates this one lonely night as he watches the stars. ET (completed)
1. A solitary existence

**If Wishes were Stars   
By Ice Crystal Angel  
  
**E / T fanfiction

**Summary **  
What would you do if you could freeze time and live forever in one moment? Eriol Hiiragizawa contemplates this one lonely night as he watches the stars. E/T  
  
Disclaimer: All characters within this story are not owned by me but by CLAMP so please don't sue. The ideas of this story are mine and have not been taken from anyone else.  
  
The story takes place after the second movie. The gang is around 22 years old. Please review and tell me what you think. I was intending this to be a one shot fic but it was too long for that so I have separated it into two chapters  
  
.::.  
  
**Chapter One: A solitary existence**  
  
.::.  
  
Once again I am alone, contemplating my existence. Everything is changing just like the night sky. I stare at it from my wind, marveling at its splendor. Out there naked to the eye new life is being created and destroyed. Stars die but new ones are formed. It is uncharted territory. Nothing remains the same up there although we can see the effects until years later.  
  
Things that I had taken for granted and never really appreciated are gone. I wish time could freeze and I could live forever in one moment. That one moment where I was not two souls torn apart by the past, by memories that are not really mine. That one moment where I was accepted for just being me, Eriol Hiiragizawa.  
  
I received a letter today from Sakura. She writes to me from time to time, telling me about her life with Syaoran, graduation from college, living in Hong Kong and now recently the birth of her first child, Maya. She sent me a picture as well. Syaoran is there looking as stern as always. However, if you closely enough you'll see the tender look in his eyes and the faint smile that graces his lips. He has changed much over the years from the cold determine boy who blushed everytime he saw Sakura into a fine proud man who is lucky to have found such happiness amidst a world of chaos. He has arm draped around Sakura who is looking down at her little bundle of joy. She has grown more lovely than ever with the coming of motherhood and her eyes are sparkling like always. Her hair has grown out and now reaches down to her waist. She holds baby Maya so tenderly in her arms as if she were a delicate doll. Kero and Spinel are also in the picture and as usual hyperactive Kero is trying to outdo the more stoic Spinel. Next to Sakura is the gang, Meiling and her fiancé, Naoko, Rika, Mr. Terada and Chiharu and her husband Yamazaki. They are all laughing and looking so happy. Chiharu is as usual strangling Yamazaki no doubt because he tried to tell one of his famous stories. Behind the gang, standing almost hidden in the back is Touya and Yukito. Touya's face is one of suppressed fury as he glares at the back of Syaoran's head. He will always have a sister complex I think. Yukito is trying to restrain him or rather I should say Yukito and Yue are trying to. Since admitting their love to Touya Yue has finally accepted his new life and merged into one complete being like Clow had originally created him to be. Although he looks exasperated at Touya's behaviour the sparkle in his eye belies his humor of the situation. I smile fondly thinking of past memories and happy times. Suddenly I stiffen, there standing almost completely obscured by shadows in the corner of the picture is someone I had thought I would never see again. A raven-haired beauty was staring back at me; her sparkling amethyst eyes were looking directly at the camera as if she could see into my soul. She was giggling and appeared not to have a trouble in the world. My lips tightened unconsciously as I saw a young man with his arms wrapped tight around my angel.  
  
Wait a minute!  
  
She was no longer my angel. I had lost her a long time ago when I failed to see what had always been there right in front of my eyes. It's been three years since I have last seen Tomoyo face in person but the wound is as fresh as yesterday.  
  
.::.  
  
**.:Flashback:.**  
  
"Ahh! There you are Eriol-kun. I was looking all over for you. Why aren't you joining in the celebrations? It was mainly due to your influence that Syaoran and Sakura into getting engaged. Sometimes I wondered if our meddling would ever bring those two together."  
  
I turned to look at her. She was breathtakingly beautiful that night. Wearing a long lilac dress with a low scooping neck and thin straps. It was simple but made her look so elegant. Her hair cascaded down her back in long curls, twisted back here and there and tiny purple flowers peeped out in various places.  
  
" I was looking at the stars" I replied gesturing to the vast night sky in an attempt to hide my growing blush."  
  
"You don't mind if I join you do?" she asked walking towards the edge of the balcony to stand beside me.  
  
I was acutely aware of the lithe form beside me. Every fibre of my being tingles at being so near to her. I was conscious of every breath she took, how the wind played with her hair and how the moon reflected in those mesmerizing eyes of here.  
  
'She is a goddess' I thought ' and deserves only the best. A man like me could only ever bring her pain and suffering. She needs someone not weighed down by burdens, she deserves someone who can be by her side all the time and let her live in a world of happiness.  
  
"Eriol-kun daijoubu?" she questioned gently. Her breath coming out in white puffs of smoke.  
  
I hadn't realised how cold it was with the winter approaching and she wasn't even wearing a wrap to keep her warm.  
  
"Tomoyo here" I said, taking off my jacket. "You'll freeze to death out here like that."  
  
"Arigato" she replied dazzling me with one of her radiant smiles.  
  
"The sky is endless isn't it" she commented after a few minutes of comfortable silence. It is a place of infinite possibilities. People make wishes on stars because they know that all they have to do is find their own star to make their dream come true. Ne, Eriol- kun have you found your star?"  
  
"No" I relied turning to face her. "I don't believe in things like that. How about you?"  
  
She blushed lightly and giggled  
  
"Yes" she replied pointing up to the sky. " You see that one, the third star to the right of the moon, that's mine."  
  
"And what dream was waiting for you on that star" I questioned curiously.  
  
"I suppose what every girl dreams of. To meet a person she loves with all her heart."  
  
I didn't reply to that but instead returned to gazing at the stars.  
  
"Tomoyo-san" I murmured quietly after a moment's silence. "I returning to England soon. My trip is nearly over."  
  
"Nani?" she burst and then blushed. More calmly she asked "Why so soon?"  
  
"My mission to see Sakura transform the Clow cards into Sakura cards is long over and now all the scheming to get Syaoran to ask her to marry him has paid off. I must return to my previous life.  
  
"Why? She cried.  
  
"Because..." I paused. How could I explain what was going on inside me. What could I say to make her understand?  
  
"Because I have to" I finished lamely.  
  
"When do you leave then? " she asked with worry evident in her voice  
  
"Tomorrow"  
  
"But that's so soon"  
  
I shrugged and began to walk away from her, not being able to resist her closeness any more.  
  
"Matte!" she cried then looked down at her feet. " Ano.... Eriol-kun. There's something I must tell you."  
  
"Nani?" I asked trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
She paused for a few moments as she nervously gathered her words together.  
  
"I love you Eriol-kun"  
  
I stood there in shock. How I had longed to hear those words from her lips. To know she had feelings for me. My mouth opened but no words came out. How could she love me when she didn't know the real me. The Eriol who I pretended to be was merely a façade. A mask to hide who I really was. The problem was I didn't know who I really was myself.  
  
"Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo tentatively asked.  
  
"Gomen Tomoyo" feeling my heart break into pieces "but I can't return those feelings."  
  
She stood there frozen for what seemed like an eternity and the tears welled in her eyes and began to fall softly down her face. I hated myself more than ever for doing this to her but I just couldn't tell her. How could I explain that I felt like there were souls within me and they were tearing me apart. It felt as there was a piece missing in my life and until I found it I could never love her with my full heart. Unable to stand it anymore I fled into the night with Tomoyo's crying ringing in my ears. I took the first flight out of Japan in the hopes of forgetting it all but that memory never really left me.  
  
.::.  
  
After returning to England I buried myself in my work and the months flew by. I made no attempt to make new friend as I tried to distance myself from everything and everyone. I rarely went out and took to spending many solitary night drinking. I didn't hear how Syaoran and Sakura's wedding went because I left no address in which they could reach me. I tried my hardest to forget the memories of the people I had behind in Tomoeda so I was surprised to hear a knock on my door one rainy night. I had had a few drinks that night as I tried to get the images of Tomoyo crying out of my head but to no avail so I was already quite drunk. When the knock came I had no idea who it could be because everyone avoided me, even the sales people. I cautiously opened the door and lo and behold there stood Ms Kaho Mizuki.  
  
"How did you find me?" I asked shocked  
  
"Eriol dear I always no where you are. Now are you going to let me in or not?"  
  
Wordlessly I stepped to the side. I was too surprised to do anything else. She took off her wet coat and shoes and immediately made herself comfortable on the couch that I had just recently been sitting on. She looked at me expectantly and patted the seat beside her so I could do nothing but sigh and sit next to her. I poured myself a drink and as an after thought offered some to Ms Mizuki who accepted gladly.  
  
"So how did you find me" I asked again taking a big gulp of my drink.  
  
"Well I did know you before when I lived in England and I know which houses you own. It was simple enough to visit each one and find out where you were staying" She noticed that my glass was nearly empty and so took the liberty of filling it for me.  
  
"So what have you been doing these last few months?" she inquired.  
  
"Working" I replied shortly.  
  
She leaned towards me, allowing a full look at her cleavage in the process. I gulped nervously and took another big swig of my drink.  
  
"Eriol I've missed you" she whispered seductively, her hand trailing down my chest.  
  
Once in an attempt to try to ease my loneliness I had allowed myself to be comforted by Kaho and had let her believe I was in love with her but I knew that deep down there was only the one girl for me.  
  
"Why did you leave without a word" she mouthed against my lips  
  
"Because I had to" I replied irritably. I could feel myself respond to her actions, although I tried to fight it my primitive instincts had taken over.  
  
"Kiss me Eriol"  
  
My sight was beginning to blur from all the alcohol and I knew I was drunk. Without thinking of the consequences I brutally captured Kaho's lips with my own in a searing kiss. The kiss was hot and passionate, a vent for all my anguish and pain, but a knew that something was lacking in that kiss although Kaho did not protest. She was now sitting on top of me, undressing me slowly.  
  
"You know you want this Eriol" she whispered into my ear "You have always wanted this"  
  
That was all I remembered before sinking into oblivion and the rest of the night passed by in a haze. When I awoke the next morning I found Kaho sleeping peacefully next to me and our clothes strewn all over the floor but with no recollection of what had happened the night before.

.::.  
  
A few months later I married Kaho and she wrote the news to Sakura, explaining to me that she wanted to keep in touch with her former students. She received a return letter soon after congratulating us but unknown to Kaho I received another letter from Sakura asking what had happened between Tomoyo and myself. I didn't have the heart to reply so I didn't. Over the next year Kaho and I lived together. She wrote constantly to her students, particularly Sakura and that was how I found out about the marriage between Chiharu and Yamazaki and Rika and Mr. Terada. While theirs were happy marriages judging from what Sakura wrote I knew that my own was a sham. I didn't love Kaho and she knew that I didn't love her, so when she started seeing other men behind my back I didn't care. One day she simply came up to me and said "Eriol I'm leaving you. I have found a man who truly loves me and you will never do. Forgive me."  
  
"It's alright Kaho" I replied wearily "I knew this would happen anyway." She left that same day and I never heard from her again.  
  
Once more I was by myself living a solitary existence. Letter kept arriving from Sakura and after a while I began to reply. It was in one of these letter that I discovered that the wound in my heart had not even begun to heal  
  
_Dear Eriol,  
  
How is England at this time of the year? I'm sure it is very pretty. Things have been pretty hectic around here lately. Since Syaoran became the new leader of the Li clan he hasn't had much time to himself and we've had to go to so many dinner parties. I hate dinner parties because I am expected to have perfect table manners and you know how clumsy I am. One time we went to an important business mans house and they had those old fashioned candelabras on the table. Halfway through I needed to go to the bathroom and as I stood up I accidentally lost my balance. I grabbed hold of the tablecloth to stop myself falling and consequently the candelabras fell over and set the table alight. I tried to put it out with my drink but instead of grabbing my water goblet I picked up one that was full of wine. The next thing I knew there was a big scorch mark on the ceiling. I was mortified with myself. Syaoran looked so stern as he apologized and steered me out of the house but as soon as we got in to the car he burst out laughing till tears ran down his cheeks. I can chuckle over it now but at the time I was so embarrassed.  
  
How's work going? You're not overtaxing yourself too much I hope. Everyone is doing great Naoko has just published another book, this time its horror, and Chiharu is now pregnant. Kero and Spinel say Hi as well. Currently they are at each other's throats because Dad just brought a new video game and the three of them are tussling it out from dawn to dusk. We all miss you and wish you would visit.  
  
Write to you soon  
  
Sakura  
  
Oh I almost forgot Tomoyo has just gotten married to a man name Kyo. He's a lawyer and so her mum is very pleased.  
  
_I dropped the letter as if burnt. 'Tomoyo is married' I thought 'How could this be?' I felt my heart twist and it breaking apart yet again. Unable to contain myself I slumped to the floor letting the tears drip from my eyes.

.::.


	2. A dream come true

**If Wishes were Stars   
By Ice Crystal Angel  
  
**E/T fanfiction  
  
Disclaimer:   
All characters within this story are not owned by me but by CLAMP so please don't sue. The ideas of this story are mine and have not been taken from anyone else. 

Thanks for the reviews. This is the first time I have written a story and its great to hear that people liked it.

A special thankyou to Chiisana-Tori-chan and Pinkjasmine.

This is the concluding chapter to If wishes were Stars. Hope you enjoy

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Chapter Two A Dream Come True 

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As I stare from my window I remember all these unwanted memories. How I wish that I could turn back the hands of time and have done things differently. I had run away from Tomoyo's love because I didn't feel whole but what I had only just realized was that the sole time I felt complete was when I was with her. Without her the burdens of carrying Clow's memories and feelings was almost too much to bear. Her laughter lit up the darkness of my existence and held the uncertainties of life at bay. I noticed that nearly four hours had past since I started reading Sakura's letter and first gazed at the stars. A paragraph of the letter still remains unread.  
  
_..........That picture was taken three months ago and Otou-san is the one taking the picture and Nakuru is busy playing with Yamaki, Chiharu and Yamazaki's son. Chiharu is now pregnant again and Meiling has finally gotten married. Naoko has found herself a boyfriend after all this time. Christmas is coming up and Syaoran and I are having a big get together. Everyone is flying to Hong Kong to come to the party and you have to come too Eriol. Please say you will come. It will be worth your while, I promise so please say you will come.  
  
Your friend always  
  
Sakura  
_  
I read and re-read the letter. 'So everyone is going to be there?' I thought to myself. 'That means Tomoyo and that Kyo will be there as well. I don't want to see them together but how can I say no to Sakura.  
  
He glanced up at the stars again and noticed that the third star to the right of the moon was glowing more brightly than it ever had before.  
  
_'Maybe I will go' _he thought. _'Just maybe.'  
  
_

_---------------------  
  
_

_'Christmas has always been a time of giving but there doesn't seem to be much around here.'  
  
_A tall young man with black hair and glasses thought this as he tried to weave in and out of the crowd at the Hong Kong airport without much success. He dropped his bag for the umpteenth time but nobody bothered to help him. He heaved a dramatic sigh and looked wearily around. He noticed his name on a card about fifteen metres away and lugged his bag in that direction.  
  
"Mr. Hiiragizawa I presume" a chauffeur asked as he came within talking distance.  
  
"Yes I am he" he replied  
  
"Right this way then Mr. Hiiragizawa" The chauffeur picked up his bags with ease and expertly made his way to the front doors. Eriol sighed and tried his best to keep up with him. Once they reached the limo he was glad to sit back and finally relax.  
  
"Li-sama wishes to inform you that the party will begin tonight at 7pm so you will have a few hours to relax and get ready. If there is anything you need just ask one of the hired help." The chauffeur informed Eriol.  
  
"Arigato" he replied before turning and glancing out the window. Everywhere he looked he could see signs of Christmas. Shops had hung their decorations up and couples could be seen everywhere. He sighed feeling depressed at how happy the couples looked and wondered for the millionth time why he agreed to come to the party. The steady sound of the wheels turning soon had Eriol feeling sleepy and he dozed off. He came to when an elderly man was gently nudging him.  
  
"Hiiragizawa-sama you have now arrived at the Li residence. Your bags have already been taken up to your room and I will escort you to them myself."  
  
"Ohayo Wei-sama. It's been a long time."  
  
"Indeed it has" Wei replied.  
  
He showed him to his room and Eriol was amazed at the luxurious quarters he had been given. Cream silk sheets covered the huge king size bed in the middle of the room and fresh flowers were seen everywhere. A note was present on the bed and Eriol walked forwards to read it.  
  
_Dear Eriol,  
  
Sorry we could be there to welcome you. Syaoran and I have some last preparations to make so we will see you at the party. Hope you like your room and if you need anything just ask. The party will be held in the ballroom and since you know your way around here you shouldn't have any trouble.  
  
See you soon  
  
Sakura  
  
_Eriol allowed himself a small smile. _'How good it would be to see everyone again'_. Then his eyes dimmed as he remembered he would have to see Tomoyo in the arms of another man. He sat there on the bed changing his mind every few minutes as to whether or not he would attend the party. A clock striking the hour of 8pm jolted him out of his thoughts. _"I'm late," _he thought before hurriedly dressing. Laughter and music could be through the walls so he reluctantly left his room and made his way down the hall. Bright lights surrounded him as he entered the ballroom and it took him a moment to adjust.  
  
"Eriol-kun" a voice squealed. "I can't believe you made it. For a while I thought you weren't going to come."  
  
Eriol looked to his right and saw Sakura waving enthusiastically at him with Syaoran hovering protectively nearby carrying baby Maya. At the sound of his name a number of people looked up and hurriedly walked in his direction. Soon he was surrounded by his old friends. Meiling thumped in on his back and then introduced him to her husband, Rika and Mr Terada came shyly up and welcomed him back while Yamazaki was trying to coerce his old friend into convincing Sakura and Syaoran that Christmas trees could once sing Christmas carols. Chiharu was desperately trying to stop him but he kept dancing out of reach. All the noise and din made Eriol feel totally bewildered. Although he was glad to see his friends their presence was stifling and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He needed to escape so he excused himself and made his way out onto a nearby balcony and gazed at the stars until he felt his composure return. Suddenly he was aware of another presence. He whipped around and saw a lone figure standing in the shadows their face obscured by darkness.  
  
"Gomen nasai" he apologized " I didn't realize anyone else was here."  
  
"It's fine" came a quiet feminine voice that seemed somewhat familiar.  
  
"The sky is endless isn't it" He commented when the figure had returned their attention back to the stars. "It is a place of infinite possibilities. Someone once told me that there is a star up there for everyone and if you are lucky enough to find it all your dreams will come true.  
  
"And you believe in things like that?" the voice queried almost bitterly  
  
"Yes I do. A girl once asked me if I had found my star and I replied that I didn't believe in things like that. But what I didn't realize till later was that I had found it I was just looking in the wrong place. The truth was it was right beside me the entire time."  
  
He sighed and then looked ruefully at the figure. "I'm sorry for telling you all this I don't even know who you are but you voice is so familiar and comforting. I'll leave you in peace." He turned and began to walk away.  
  
"Don't leave please" the voice pleaded. "Tell me what happened to this girl"  
  
" I left and she got married, end of story" he replied bitterly.  
  
"Why did you leave?"  
  
Something about the voice sparkled a foreign emotion in Eriol. He felt compelled to tell this faceless stranger the truth and so he said  
  
"Because I lied. She confessed that she loved me and I said I didn't return those feelings. But in truth she meant more than anything to me. I was afraid that she loved somebody that didn't really exist and that when she found out about the real me she would leave. I tried to tell myself that she deserved better but that was the simple truth. I wish so much that I could see her again and tell her the truth, about how much I love her.  
  
His voice broke then and he buried his face in his hands, ashamed to be on the verge of tears in front of this unknown woman. He felt a hand rest on his shoulder and flinched but did not try to move away nor did he raise his head.  
  
"And what if this girl told you that had seen the real you and still loved you regardless" the voice asked.  
  
"It doesn't matter. She's married to some guy now and probably has forgotten all about me" he cried in despair.  
  
"What if I were to tell you that this girl separated from the man, Eriol- kun" the voice said warmly.  
  
"Eriol was shocked. That Voice! He thought. I know that voice. He looked up and cerulean eyes met amethyst ones.  
  
"Tomoyo!"  
  
She smiled "Hello Eriol"  
  
Eriol was too flabbergasted to speak. He could only stand there dumbly as he stared at the raven-haired woman before him.  
  
"Wasn't there something you wanted to say to me Eriol?" she asked teasingly.  
  
"Your not married to that guy anymore?" asked Eriol as he found his tongue.  
  
"That's not want I wanted you to say Eriol, but yes Kyo and I divorced two months ago. You see I didn't really love him because my heart still belonged to another and he couldn't accept that."  
  
She turned her head and looked into his eye as she said this with all her love shining in them. They were mere inches apart and stood silently staring at each other.  
  
"I love you my Tomoyo-tenshi" He whispered not wanting to break the spell and wake up to find it was all a dream.  
  
"I love you too Eriol" she replied.  
  
His eyes wandered down to her lips and unconsciously he closed the distance between them. Tomoyo closed her eyes in anticipation. She had been waiting for this moment for so long.  
  
"uhh, Tomoyo" She opened she eyes confused.  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"Have you realised that we have an audience? Eriol chuckled softly  
  
Tomoyo turned round to see Sakura, Syaoran, Meiling and everyone else grinning goofily at her.  
  
"Alright! Plane to reunite Tomoyo and Eriol, successful" squealed Sakura throwing her arms around Syaoran and pulling him into a tight embrace. Chiharu and Yamazaki were hi-fying each other, while Meiling was saying to Touya "I win now cough up the money."  
  
"Shall we give them a show Tomoyo-tenshi" he whispered into her ear before dramatically sweeping her into his arms and passionately kissing her.  
  
"Kawaii" came a chorus of voices.  
  
Later after everyone has dissipated to leave the new couple some time alone Tomoyo looked up at Eriol who was holding her in his arms as they gazed up at the stars.  
  
"Eriol?" she asked softly "There's one thing I want to know"  
  
"What's that Tomoyo dearest" as he snuggled closer to her  
  
"Where exactly is your star?"  
  
"Here in my arms" he replied. The End 

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So what did you all think? Hope it wasn't too sappy in the end. Please review and tell me what you think


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